Growing through Depression: How My Darkest Moment Saved My Life By: Nafeesah R. Leverett
When I first started blogging back in 2017, I was completely unaware of the impact that writing my thoughts would bring to me. Writing blogs has allowed me to let go of situations that I’ve held on to. Some of these situations, I’ve believed to be buried and handled, but after sitting in the therapist chair for the first time, I knew that I was wrong.
See, after years of dealing with depression in silence that night, I decided that enough was enough. I was sick of being angry, hurt, mistreated, and abused. I was going to go home and commit suicide. No more hurting and no more suffering, but God had another plan for me that night.
My best friend called me that night, which was odd, because around this time she usually is doing homework with her son. But on this particular night, she decides she wants to come to see me, and she picked me up from the bus station. I had already texted my mom and told her that this will be the last time she speaks to me, but my best friend had no idea what was going through my head.
On the ride home, we just sat in silence. We didn’t utter a word to one another. And before you know it, I just started crying and screaming. I was releasing all of the things that were once holding on to me.
Before getting to the release in the car, let me give you a brief breakdown of what led to my breaking point.. I just left a physically and mentally abusive relationship.
. The abusive relationship I left, left me with absolutely nothing, to the point where my friends were giving me a hand to hold me down.
. My bank accounts were overdrawn because I was trying to make up for what I’ve lost in the relationship, which led to bills being backed up.
. I let an “ex” friend borrow my car only for them to total it. Now I’m catching public transportation to work and class, putting in even a more significant financial mess.
And I’ve completely lost faith in God even though I was still praying and going to church every Sunday.
I’ve become so immune to the madness around me, that I didn’t even have the strength to ask God for Help anymore.
2 Corinthians 12:9 New International Version (NIV) But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. And God knew this. That night he was answering my prayers, even though I thought he wasn’t listening.
2 Kings 20:5 New International Version (NIV)
5 I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.
But see, God was with me the whole time. Even in my depression, but in my darkest moment, he still needed me to learn some lessons.
Now, remember, I’ve told you that I have become immune to all of the chaos that was around me because I didn’t believe I deserved better. Often times we pray and ask God for Help, and when he sends, we completely ignore it. In all of those situations I named previously, God sent me a red flag in every case, but I ignored it because I wanted to do things my way.
So for God to get my attention, he stripped everything away from me. He was still with me in the depression but had first to pluck those weeds that were suffocating my growth. The toxic relationship had to go. The overextending myself for others had to go. Trying to make myself feel complete with material things had to go. Shutting out the world and not asking for help had to go.
It was time for Nafeesah to grow through the depression. See, I believe suicide was the answer to all of my problems because running away from the pain felt easier. It was now time for me to do something that I’ve never done before.
Heal and Grow.
God needed me to grow through this, so I can show someone else that it can be done. See, for many years, I’ve thought less of myself. I will always encourage those around, but I couldn’t put that same energy into myself. It was so much easier to help others instead of dealing with your own issues. However, it was time for me to Grow. God gave me the vision to help other women, but first, I had to help Nafeesah. Depression is common, and many women deal with it.
Here are some tips that helped me grow through my depression, and I pray that something I say can give you the strength to grow no matter where you are in life.
1. To the girl I was then, I forgive you.
Forgiveness is essential in your self-development. Being able to forgive yourself requires compassion, kindness, and understanding. Making peace and moving forward is easier said than done, but you must forgive yourself for things that you didn’t know. One thing is for sure is that you will make mistakes in life. We are all on a life’s journey, and there will be good days and some difficult ones, but you must take each day as a learning experience.
2. Share your Story, and It’s Okay to ask for help.
I know opening up can be a challenge, but by sharing your Story, you will begin the healing process. Sharing your account will be difficult at first, but it will give you the inspiration you need to keep moving forward. Hearing yourself talk about your problems out loud brings life to the situation. Now you know what exactly you need to do to heal.
Going to therapy was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Not only was expressing myself so tricky because I spent years bottling it up, I now had to talk to a complete stranger. However, it was worth it. I was able to express myself openly and freely. My therapist even helped me to identify some triggers and gave me tools to assist through the process. God gives us a testimony so we can show others his faithfulness.
3. Accept who you are.
Remember that you were Formed by God’s Hands, dreamed up in His Heart, and placed in this world for a purpose. While growing through my depression, I prayed to God to take away my big heart. I saw having a big heart as a sign of weakness because so many people took advantage of me, but God gave it to me for a reason. I am caring, compassionate, and yes, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, however, being an inspirational speaker requires complete transparency and vulnerability. God gives us things to assist with our purpose.
4. Stay positive and loving people.
Try not to isolate yourself. This can be tough because when you are depressed, you want to be alone, but laughing, singing, and doing something fun allows you to get out of that negative headspace.
5. Get Creative.
At moments when I am feeling low, I like to pick up my journal and write. Writing has become a release for me. I am to get creative and push myself to try new things. Try something outside of your comfort zone. Swimming, painting, or even an outdoor activity can help. These are just a few things that helped me grow through my depression. I pray that something I said can help you improve on your journey.
Disclaimer
I am not a licensed therapist. If you are suffering from suicidal thoughts, depression, or any other mental situation, please seek the assistance of a professional to get the help you deserve.
Nafeesah Leverett is an inspirational speaker, blogger, and CEO/Founder of Build Her Up. Build Her Up is a Christian Platform designed to empower, encourage, and support women while strengthening our relationship with God together. She is currently pursuing her MBA in Marketing and also provides marketing services to small business owners. For more information on Nafeesah and Build Her Up, please visit www.buildherup.org.
