Domestic Violence. The Warning Signs and When To Address It.

Domestic violence also known as domestic abuse or Intimate partner violence has one definition; “maintain control over someone else.  The abusers always demonstrate abusive behaviors to gain power over their family members or partners”.  In addition, a domestic abuse can be in many forms: emotional, sexual, financial or physical and anyone from a child to an elder can be the victim. However, today I will talk about Intimate Partner Violence which I will cover the signs of abuse and when to seek help.

Expecting to agree with anyone to abuse or disrespect you just because you want to show SOCIETY  that you are in a relationship is not a way to live. In the other hand,  I am also aware of relationships that seemed to be perfect from the start; nevertheless, people and relationship change all the time. It would definitely take more than one posts to talk about domestic violence but below are the different examples of an abusive relationship.

First is the emotional abuse. I use this as the first example because it all started with the angry attitudes, bitterness, and jealousy. Everything is now your fault, he or she takes control over your life, stops you from visiting your family or friends, hurts you verbally and humiliates you. Then, when the tension increases, that’s when the physical abuse tends to happen.

Second, there is the physical abuse; which includes punching, attacking you with any form of object or weapon, slapping and much more. For me, this is a critical part because you may go to sleep and not be waking up the next day. Nothing is promised in an abusive relationship. Fifteen years back, I remember a couple in Haiti that used to fight almost every week. My parents did not want to interfere much with the situation but would make comments from their backyard, check if everyone’s OK because the kids usually come over for comfort. It was quite a journey.  As a young child, I kept asking myself why doesn’t she leave? Until I was getting lectured on Domestic Violence in College; I realized that it is not as easy as people think. The one thing in my opinion that can get you out of it: is to become fully aware that this is a BAD RELATIONSHIP and then it will become easier to seek help.

Lastly is the Sexual Abuse: Undesired sexual behaviors.   Sexual abuse can be done in the family, sex trafficking groups and your intimate relationship.  At this point, I am focused on the intimate abuse. Sex will be definitely one of the topics during your relationship; if not, you should always raise the question with your partner on when, where and how it will happen. The conversation should always be done with respect and in comfortable manners. To my surprise, there are still some people who don’t know the meaning of the word ”NO”. Either you are a male or female, being in a relationship doesn’t give someone the right to pressure you. Also, someone using a thousand and sometimes no reasons at all on why you should do this; should be a warning sign. Remember, it doesn’t matter if it is a date or a long-term relationship, intimidating someone for sex is never Ok. Relationship supposed to be a beautiful thing.

Now,  How Can You Break The Cycle?

Now, ask yourself: What are my boundaries and what way can someone honor them? I have not been in an abusive relationship but I have so many friends going through it which affect me in a way. That one thing I have noticed in their cases is: it doesn’t matter how much you want to help until that person gives himself/herself a pep talk and take a leap of faith to seek help. Sometimes, the fear of financial struggle, getting hurt or just not being in a relationship keep them stuck. I want to tell you that there are many organizations ready to help. In case you don’t have a friend or family member you can trust, talk to a healthcare professional or a domestic violence helpline.

Are You A Friend of A Battered Individual?

You can help by offering your support without judging, because it could take most battered individuals an average of five to seven attempts before leaving an abusive relationship successfully. Help them by creating a safety plan in case they are in danger. Lastly, find a local domestic violence organization that can assist.

Below are examples of the “Power & Control Wheel” and Domestic Violence Helplines

http://www.thehotline.org(Available 24/7,365 days, Support in over 200 languages)

https://www.acf.hhs.gov/fysb/programs/family-violence-prevention-services/programs/ndvh(Available in all 50 states, Porto Rico, Us Virgin Island and Guam)

https://www.marykay.com/en-us/about-mary-kay/social-responsibility/dont-look-away( MaryKay Don’t Look Away Program; If you, or someone you know, is experiencing abuse and needs help, text* “LOVEIS” to 22522)

http://www.loveisrespect.org/mary-kay/(Learn more about relationship 101)

 

Power & Control Wheel Picture by Jenesse.org