Let’s Talk About Sex Baby!!! With Guest Blogger Rease Cassity

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby…
By: Rease Cassity

What a time to be alive! More importantly, what a time to be alive as a woman! I’m a young woman completely enthralled by the current wave of feminism and loving EVERY. SINGLE. MOMENT. It’s a total vibe that resonates strength, empowerment and embracing one’s authenticity. (dare I say imperfections). This year, movements like the #MeToo and #TimesUp have entered the mainstream, and I’ve been reminded of the power that comes from supporting each other and the freedom derived from living one’s truth. Growing up as a girl in a small town in Texas, that didn’t even have a grocery store, this current wave of feminism seemed completely outside the realm of possibility.

Like most, my upbringing was riddled with complicated notions and improper representation that laid the foundation of my belief systems. It still baffles me that as children, our only wish is to conform whereas as adults we want nothing more than to emphasize what makes us unique. Unfortunately and fortunately for me, I was anything but average as a child. I was bigger than my peers both in height, weight, and personality and harbored unusual dreams of escaping my small town. The older I got, the more aware I became of societal norms, which provided an unwritten contract for how I was supposed to live my life. For those of you born and raised above the Mason-Dixon line, it’s important to note, we operate on a whole other level of “norms” in the South.

Growing up, it was an unspoken rule that women did not openly discuss sex. It was a private subject that had the potential to make others uncomfortable (similar to politics and religion), therefore must be avoided at all cost during conversations. This concept was hard for me to grasp because sex is a commonality most humans share. To add to my confusion, this notion of not talking about sex wasn’t something shared equally within the different gender groups either. As someone who had several close guy friends, brothers and male cousins growing up, I became familiar with the preverbal “locker room talk”. My male friends were praised for their sexual exploits while the women in my life were ridiculed and judged for theirs.

I’ll never forget the first time I heard the term “Walk of Shame” in college. Wait, so now society was directly linking a women’s sexual experience (and not that of her male counterparts) with shame. As an adult, I often struggle to comprehend the term shame. Now I realize, it’s because it’s a dirty little word that we’ve dressed up in an attempt to make it hurt less.

Shame (n.) – a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by consciousness of wrong behavior.

Wow! Just for clarification, those who use this phrase are saying that women who engage in sexual acts should feel humiliated and that their sexual behavior is wrong. This stigma that women and sex are wrong is rooted so deeply in our culture. Take Samantha Jones from Sex and The City for example. Samantha was a strong, vibrant woman. She had a fabulous career, loving friends, a full life and even survived Breast Cancer. By all accounts, she was an inspiration for women everywhere. However, she was constantly ridiculed both on the show and IRL for her character’s “life choice” of sex positivity. She loved sex and spoke about it every chance she got, even making others uncomfortable (including her closest girlfriends. I’m looking at you Charlotte York). I could never understand why people took issue with her. Then, I came to realized what people took issue with wasn’t Samantha herself but the idea that a woman could view sex like a man. It was different therefore people grappled to understand it.

When I moved to New York City in my early twenties, I gained the space to discover who I truly was and to form my own opinions on controversial issues. Truthfully, I’m still on this journey, and fingers crossed, I always will be discovering new parts of myself. However, it was during this time that I began to solidify how I felt about my own sexual nature. I’m a sexual being. It’s another form of expression for me. I’m a very passionate person in all areas of my life and my sexuality is no different. With this understanding, also came the idea that this traditional viewpoint on sex fuels a false sense of what is truly sexy in any individual. Someone who is confident in themselves by knowing who they are and what they like is hard to resist. I’m ready for a world where women proudly own their sexual freedom and their right to sexual exploits, without the fear of judgment or shame. Furthermore, when we attach shame to a subject, it only fuels a mass of negative implications. We halt growth by stifling the conversation. We should normalize sex positivity and all human’s rights to sexual freedom, period. If it makes others uncomfortable, that’s a moment for them to lean in and discover why. When we do the work into the “why,” we liberate ourselves, break through the things in life that are blocking us and begin to live a limitless existence.

If the goal is to be the change you want to see in the world, than just writing this article isn’t enough. We need to be telling stories and seeing examples of strong women owning their sexual nature. I’m co-creating a sexually charged, female character-driven comedy called, Foreplay. My character, Gabi, is a full-figured, sex-positive goddess who mentors an introverted virgin named Sam to help her stamp her v-card in the big city. Aside from playing against common tropes, we are working to tell a real story about two women’s sexual experiences. If you have additional thoughts on sexual freedom or the sex positivity movement, want to share your story or merely just say hi, our team would love to hear from you. Please email us at foreplaytheseries@gmail.com.

Originally from a small town in Texas, Rease now resides in New York City, where she writes, acts and creates every chance she gets. She loves writing on topics such as normalizing all body types, sex positivity, personal growth, love & relationships and beauty tips/trends. Her personal motto in life is to leave people and situations better than she found them.

You can find more of Rease’s work on her website and social media.