Marcus Tullius Cicero once said: “The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living”. Death is a hard subject; therefore, it is not included in our everyday conversation. It reminds us of the loved one we truly cherish. Death also brings back memories of how good someone was to us and how you can celebrate them. Today on the blog, Mao shared how death affected her and how she celebrated the life of her dear friend
The Most Challenging (Yet Inspiring) Moment I’ve Had To Overcome
First, before I get started, I just wanted to thank Woodline Pierre for allowing me to do a guest post on here. It is an honor that I do not take lightly, I’m just so happy to be here.
In life, I’ve learned that people all have their own unique set of challenges that they must face and battle to overcome, which although may be easily understood, can be harder to actually do no matter who you are or where you come from. Now, I do not claim to be an expert on what it means to overcome something or even what it is supposed to look like. I don’t claim to know any of your challenges that you are going through personally, but it my hope that in sharing my story of just one of the many challenges I’ve dealt with in life, you will be able to see that even in your most difficult times in life, the sheer will and strength you have inside you to fight, to move forward, will appear. Only then will you realize what you’re truly capable of. It may try to break you, but it can shape you into who you are meant to be.
It was September 2013, I was eighteen, an adult legally, but inside still felt like a child, just scared of the unknown, just going through the motions of trying to figure life out. I was headed to a new school to help me learn independent living skills, employment skills, and ultimately for me, make the transition from high school to college easier or as I liked to think of it, “Adulthood 101”.Yes, it was easier said than done most days, but I did meet some incredible people during my time there, one of whom would change my life forever.
His name was Brian Hoveland. He was sweet. He was kind. He saw the world as it should be, full of peace, love, and kindness and he made sure others felt those things too, through his smile, words, and high-fives. His positive attitude radiated and could fill the room with so much joy. He was the friend who never failed to acknowledge me and let me know my presence was important, the one always there for me, the man who always had a spot ready and waiting for me to sit at. But the man I remember him as most of all is as the man who showed me what it truly means to love and care for someone and that I was a person worthy of it.
Now I wish I could say things ended happily for us, but it just wasn’t meant to be for a month-and-a-half after we met, he suddenly passed away in his sleep. I was devastated, a part of me died a little with him that day. I cried so much, I just wanted the pain and sadness to go away. I didn’t want to feel anything at all. I felt so lost. If I only knew what was waiting for me just around the corner, for in the same week I’d lost my beloved friend, I’d gained something beautiful too.
The day of his funeral had arrived, I had planned to go and just have my presence there as we said goodbye. To sit, listen, and painfully do my best to absorb this moment, and really keep to myself for my emotions were just holding on by a thread. But of course, just as life was teaching me with everything else at that time, it was unpredictable. So although I tried my best to act stoic, the time came when the pastor asked if anyone had any words to share about my Brian and I felt compelled to share even though I knew getting through it was going to be one of my biggest challenges. I realized that everyone has different sides of themselves they show to different people because every relationship you form, is unique in how close you both are, what you talk (or sometimes do not) talk about, and how you interact with one another, so I wanted to share with his loved ones the Brian that I knew. So with words I had written on the day I found out about his passing copied in a scrapbook, with a shaking body and sobs threatening to burst out of me at any second, I introduced myself and started reading. It was the moment I realized my true strength, for I discovered that I was capable of moving forward through pain even if I didn’t ever want to and it didn’t feel good because regardless how I felt, I was still breathing and time just keeps going and so I did.
Having overcome the challenge of giving my beloved Brian the best eulogy I could, I felt very proud of myself and I was ready to go home. But just as I thought the lessons were done, that something beautiful I gained came in the form of knowledge I had learned as I interacted with various friends, family members, and even the pastor. Turns out, they all knew of me before I knew any of them. Though we had never met and they didn’t even know what I looked like, I was the girl who he talked about to his mother on the first day of school, I was the girl they would bring up and tease him about just to make him smile.
Knowing all I did now, made his passing bittersweet but it also inspired me because it truly showed me how big of an impact I had made on his life in such a short amount of time. I had always known that life was fragile and precious, but to literally feel, cope with, and experience the finality of it was a whole different thing. I was now awakened and understood that anything could happen at any moment more than I ever had to be before, and the importance of never leaving anything unsaid.
Though the experience of grief is one that I would not wish for anyone to have to go through, I can say for certain it has made me stronger and has had an integral part in shaping who I have become since. It has taught me to always be open to love and never give up on it, how to be a kinder, more compassionate, understanding human being, trying to make every person I encounter feel like they are valued and that they matter.
So, it is my hope for anyone facing a challenging moment that is hard to overcome to never give up and keep fighting. It may not feel good at the moment, but it is in those hard moments that you will learn the most about yourself and life. It is the knowledge that can’t be taught but only gained through experience. Always remember that the most challenging moments take time to overcome, and won’t happen overnight. Moreover, It is not just the joy of overcoming these hard moments but the fact that you even dared to try and what you learned along the way is a bonus.
Thank you for having me once again, I had so much fun doing this,
Stay Strong,
Stay Hopeful.
Mao
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